What She Must Be…If She Wants To Marry My Son

By :Paula Ramm

The other day, I started thinking about the type of wife I’d like my son to have. How horrid it would be if he ended up married to a miserable, complaining, nag! What loving mother would ever want to even imagine her dear son in such an awful position for the rest of his life? The mere thought makes me shudder!

So, I started thinking about the qualities I would like in a wife and lifetime partner for my son.

1. She doesn’t try to win every argument

Does she always think she is right? Does she always need to have the last word? This is not the kind of wife I want my son to have. She must seek understanding, rather than becoming constantly disagreeable or unsympathetic. She must be his ally, not his adversary.

This means she must also encourage and build him up, trusting his decisions rather than nagging or hen-pecking him.

2. She shows humility by being willing to listen and admit her failings

Does she admit when she is wrong, or does she become defensive or go on the attack when confronted? In her quest to becoming perfect like Christ, she must realize in the meantime that she will make mistakes, and be humble enough not to see herself beyond correction, or as always being right.

3. She only speaks well of him to others

Will she complain about his faults to friends or family to get sympathy? Or will she always speak well of him to others? She must show others that her husband is worthy of respect. What a humiliation it is to man to have a wife who so easily speaks ill of him to others. Who would respect a man whom is not respected by his own wife? This is NOT what I want for my son!

4. She is willing to quickly forgive and forget

Does she make a habit of holding grudges? Is she willing to forget, or does she hold past wrongs over his head, or use them as leverage? This is not how a godly wife should act. She must seek to have the compassion and mercy of Christ. The building up of bitterness can destroy a marriage. She must be willing to quickly forgive and forget past failures on the part of her husband.

5. She smiles, and shows joy and contentment in life

The beauty of a pleasant countenance goes a long way, and greatly affects the environment of the home. I do not desire for my son to have to suffer with a woman who makes the home ugly through an unattractive frown, or the self-pitying attitude of being a “martyr.” She must be pleasant, positive, and smile!

Someone who frequently complains or shows dissatisfaction with life is very difficult to live with. It is unbecoming, and is not part of living within the kingdom of God where we are to “consider it all joy” when we encounter various trials (James 1:2). She must be joyful and content with her life, no matter the circumstances.

6. She lives within her means

Does she always wish for more, or buy things she can’t afford? Such hapless spending or discontentment can  cause many problems within a marriage. A wife for my son must live within her means, and trust Christ for her needs.

7. She shows pleasure and happiness in children

Does she show how much she enjoys and loves children? Or does she let everyone know what hard work they are? Does she truly believe that children are a blessing? Or do her words and actions show that she actually finds them to be a burden? There are few things more disturbing or heart-wrenching than mothers who despise their own children.

8. She is diligent

Does she make the most of the day, or does she waste time with frivolous entertainment and activities?  As Proverbs 31: 27 and 31 say, “She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness…Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.”

9. She  shows gratitude and is thankful for home and family

Contentment, joy, and peace all start with gratitude. Does she display her gratitude to God and thankfulness for her family? Or does she constantly complain about her family to others? For a home to be content, joyful, and peaceful, the woman at the center of it must be grateful.

10. She loves God

Proverbs 31: 30, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.”

In order for a woman to possibly become what is described in this post, she must love God, and be His disciple. She must seek to love and do good for her neighbors, rather than be full of bitterness toward them.

If she loves and seeks after the Lord, she can become the kind of woman who can marry my son.


After thinking through all the qualities I’d like in my son’s future wife, a revelation hit me like a ton of bricks: Am I the type of wife that I’d want for my son?

Are you the type of wife you’d want your son to have?

If not, we’d better start changing now, because before he was  our husband, he was first  the dear son a mother who loved and cared about him as much as we do our own son.


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